Dirty Love
Mood:  sharp
So I watched this ridiculously silly movie today starring Jenny McCarthy called Dirty Love. I never could stand her on the show Singled Out that used to be on MTV...I thought she was annoying and obnoxious. My opinion of her changed when I saw an interview with her touting her new TV show, The Bad Girl's Guide, and I watched the premier episode with my best friend, Heather. I've loved her ever since and I love her even more after seeing Dirty Love. Most people probably won't like it, but I felt as though I could relate to the way she was feeling in the movie. Just found out her boyfriend was cheating on her, wanting to get revenge, hated life, thought she would never find love...and awe...of course she gets the "nice" guy in the end who loved her all along. In the style of There's Something About Mary (only better because Jenny outshines Dingy Diaz any day!!), Dirty Love is hilarious, but cannot be taken too seriously. I think it's one of those movies where you have to be a Jenny fan to appreciate it.

So I broke my unspoken New Year's Resolution today...stop having sex with T. I don't know why I did it, I only felt like shit afterwards. Especially after I read his text messages later and found that he's got the hots for some girl named Katy. He sent her a text at who knows what time in the morning wanting her to text him when she gets home so he knows she made it safely. Then he sent her another one asking her to lunch - his treat. Ha! I kind of feel sorry for the girl. She called him handsome in her text to him. I had blinders on too when I first met him. He really puts on the charm while he's trying to reel you in. Then when he has had his fun, he tosses you to the side for the next piece of ass. Poor girl. I almost wanted to f*** him again just to prove I could and that he really didn't care about this new girl. He took me to lunch today...I wonder where he's going to take her tomorrow. I wonder even more where he's going to tell me he is going.

I know some people might be thinking that they can't believe I read his text messages. I tried to stop myself...trust me, I did. But sometimes it's like a freaking addiction. It kind of helps me know when he's lying too. Of course, if there's one thing I've learned about T is that I don't have to read his text messages to know when he is lying - he's one of those guys that just isn't very good at it. I don't read them all the time. Just every once in a while to see where his head is at. Sometimes he does get good at playing me and making me think I might actually mean something to him. I guess I only read the texts for my own little dose of a reality check. Plus, I have great intuition and I usually know when something is up. That's how I found out he cheated on me...he called me on the Saturday before Valentine's Day last year and said he was just calling to tell me he was going to bed early. Hello, red flag. He had never done that before, he knew I was out with my friends, so I knew right away something was up, especially when I asked if he wanted to get together for breakfast the next morning and he said, "How about we do breakfast for lunch?" So on Monday (Valentine's Day) when I went over to his house for our day of love, he hopped in the shower and the first thing I did was grab his phone. Sure enough, plain as day he invited some girl named Kellee over the night he told me he was going to bed early.

So...like every other boyfriend in the past who has cheated on me, I broke up with him and left with the intention of never seeing him again. But I live in a small town and about 3 weeks later ran into him at the bar. Every feeling I had for him came rushing back like wildfire and it took everything I had in me to decline his offer to give me a ride home that night. Then he called me and said he wanted to try again. Heartbroken and foolish, I thought maybe he was sincere. Of course he wasn't, but I tried anyway to no avail. Usually, when this sort of thing happens to me I move. Either to another city or once even to another state just to ensure I wouldn't run into the cheating bastard. I would have moved this time also, but I had a good job that would only let me transfer back to the city I just moved from. Plus, I really like where I live now so I didn't want to move. In the end, to make a long story short...I'm the maker of my own demise and depression. Why in the hell did I think it was a good idea for him to move in?

Seahawks win!
Mood:  party time!
So the Seahwaks creamed the Colts today thus securing homefield advantage in the playoffs this season. Shaun Alexander tied the record for most touchdowns in a season (27), and it's the first time in franchise history that we clinched the #1 seed in our division. Although the Colts sat Manning out after only 3 or 4 plays. They also didn't have a few other key starters, which makes me wonder if Seattle really can beat them or not. But I definitely can't wait for the post-season! Since when did I become such a football fan? I don't even know who won the SuperBowl last year...in fact, I don't even know who was IN the SuperBowl last year!! It must stem from having your stereotypical college frat boy as a roommate. You know the guy I'm talking about: totally addicted to football with the tell-tale signs of a rapidly enlarging beer gut, drives a pick-em up truck advertising his frat with a decal sticker on the rear window (this turns those sorority girls on), and spends most weekends at the meat market, a.k.a local dance club. For our purposes, not to mention protecting the innocent, we will call him T.

T and I have been living together as "just friends" for 3 months now. We used to date, that is until I found out he cheated on me. That will be a Valentine's Day I'll never forget. And a holiday I'll never celebrate again. What evolved from the aftermath is a very close friendship with a guy I care about deeply, but one I can also read like an open book. Everyday I think I start to figure him out a little bit more. Sometimes I find myself wondering why he cheated on me, what did I do wrong. Then I am reminded time and time again by the way that he acts that it had nothing to do with ME.

The Christmas gift exchange between us went relatively well this year. He got me a Dooney & Bourke purse that I picked out, and I got him a used Playstation 2 (with a memory card and extra controller). In reality, we each just bought each other expensive presents that we couldn't justify spending the money on for ourselves. I would feel way too guilty if I actually spent $160 on a freaking purse..such a frivolous item when I already live paycheck to paycheck. BUT, if someone else were to buy it for me, then I would feel much better telling people it was a gift! I was also interested to see if he would actually do it! You see, I knew he would feel obligated to spend about the same amount of money on me as I did on him. So I saw this as my one and only chance to finally get a Dooney purse. A little conniving, I know.